When I Am Emperor, I will punish...

POS Self-Checkout UI Designers

When I am emperor, I will find everyone who has designed the user interface for a self-checkout point of sale system (or at least, the neo-criminals who designed the ones in the store down the street from my house) and have my minions load them up into cannons.

I won't require my minions to shoot them out of normal cannons. These will be special cannons. Inside, there is a touchscreen with cannon controls. Of course, the screen is greasy and has scratches all over it, making it hard to read and harder to control, and it registers random phantom button presses occasionally, but it's there. Buried several levels deep in the menu is an option to cancel the cannon firing. If they can find it (oh, did I mention that they'll have to select an option to show that they're in the cannon, because of course there's absolutely no way to detect that or to guess that someone trying to disable a cannon firing is actually inside the cannon), they will have to pay using one of six different payment methods (and again, the system obviously cannot detect that, say, the firee has just swiped a credit card even though after the firee has pressed the button for swiping a credit card suddenly the machine can read the credit card and validate it, but don't ask me why that is) and if they can do all of this within 30 seconds (and the buttons on the screen move around every now and then and there's a weight sensor that randomly doesn't work), I won't have them shot out of cannons and they are free to go.

Of course, they'll set off anti-theft sensors accidentally as they walk away, so I'll have my minions harass them for a few minutes. It seems only fair.