Reporters
When I am emperor, I will take the reporters who do not do original research, but spend their mornings rephrasing press releases and submitting them as "actual" news reports and I will have them write their own press releases about how their unfinished novels are bad and will never sell. Backwards. Then I will shoot them out of cannons and misspell their names in their obituaries.
Perhaps I will also claim that they had the opposite genders. I haven't decided.